It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
