You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
40s are totally the cure
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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