So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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