Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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