This house was built for laser tag.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
