Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
