the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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