How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
