I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
