I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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