when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
