my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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