how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
