he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
