She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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