the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
