I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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