dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
