Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
