thus making me awesome and them whores
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
