youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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