booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
