What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
