oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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