First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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