I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
