yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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