I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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