he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
