East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I just put wine in my tea
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
