Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I still have a little drunk in my system
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
