Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
