hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
