how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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