My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
