I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.