I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...