Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.

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(707): I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours. http://tfl.nu/vd0x

Replies (11) Good night (1706) Bad night (1429)
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(801): View more from Utah

Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail

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(801): Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail http://tfl.nu/5fc6

Replies (47) Good night (4734) Bad night (1112)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

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(574): I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself. http://tfl.nu/2lez

Replies (24) Good night (1295) Bad night (7323)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"

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(701): I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?" http://tfl.nu/cr38

Replies (12) Good night (4102) Bad night (1618)
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(231): View more from Michigan

His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

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(231): His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots. http://tfl.nu/wxgc

Replies (6) Good night (3916) Bad night (915)
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(845): View more from New York

Did you bedazzle the elevator?

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(845): Did you bedazzle the elevator? http://tfl.nu/4rct

Replies (2) Good night (3487) Bad night (793)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.

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(404): Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions. http://tfl.nu/eox4

Replies (6) Good night (1758) Bad night (616)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo

(410): View more from Maryland

Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.

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(410): Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo (410): Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman. http://tfl.nu/b3bx

Replies (2) Good night (1540) Bad night (1042)
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(317): View more from Indiana

You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.

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(317): You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow. http://tfl.nu/p8o5

Replies (7) Good night (1683) Bad night (727)
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(417): View more from Missouri

Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants

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(417): Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants http://tfl.nu/tk01

Replies (1) Good night (942) Bad night (535)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

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(501): I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/8ydo

Replies (6) Good night (979) Bad night (467)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.

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(937): Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character. http://tfl.nu/p33a

Replies (3) Good night (1038) Bad night (367)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.

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(502): I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did. http://tfl.nu/zibd

Replies (4) Good night (624) Bad night (310)
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(914): View more from New York

the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.

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(914): the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day. http://tfl.nu/xrh0

Replies (4) Good night (770) Bad night (391)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.

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(402): reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music. http://tfl.nu/luy9

Replies (1) Good night (301) Bad night (654)

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