JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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