1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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