She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
