so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
