i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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