My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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