We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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