You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
