She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
