so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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