And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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