I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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