I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize