I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
