I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
