I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
