why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
