Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
