Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
