We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
