a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
