he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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