She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
