Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
