i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
