No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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