Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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